Clearing through some drafts of old e-mails (where I keep my important stuff), this is a true story from a couple years ago (hey an actual blog-like post) ... enjoy!
I had made plans to go fishing on Saturday with my friend Bryan (one of my few non-car friends). He showed up around 11 a.m. and we started loading my gear in his BMW X5 in my driveway. I noticed a kid (like, 18-20 years old) walk by on the street and linger near my mailbox. Dressed in slacks, black dress shirt and a backpack. I thought for sure he was peddling religion, which I was looking forward to considering I got the phrase "recovering Catholic" from Bryan.
Anyway, I couldn't ignore him any longer and made eye contact. "Is one of you the man of the house?" I said I was, and he went into some shpeel about how he's originally from Cleveland and he was trying to earn money for something, and he pulled out a spray bottle of this "amazing" cleaner that was only $9.99. It was safe for the environment because it wasn't harmful if swallowed -- he sprayed some on his fingers and licked them. "See, it's safe."
Blah blah blah, "So what kind of stains really trouble you most? Spots on your kitchen floor? Grime around light switches?" the kid asked.
"Oil!" I said.
"Oil?" he said with a puzzled look.
"Yeah, I have a bunch of spots in my driveway."
"OK, let me see them."
I walked in front of Bryan's BMW and sure enough, oil spots from some kind of GM product, I'm sure. The kid went to work on one of the spots. He sprayed the spot, started scrubbing it with a wire brush, sprayed some more, scrubbed some more, and yet, the spot was still there. He said something about the sun baking the oil into the pavement and it takes some work to get the spot out.
Perhaps sensing defeat, he started looking at the other vehicles in the driveway.
"Is that your car?" he said pointing at Karen's green Camaro.
"No."
"What about that one?" he said pointing at my SE-R.
"Yeah, that's mine."
"Damn, when was the last time you washed it?"
I had to think a bit and told him it had been about a month (of course not telling him that just after that I did a poor man's Karl Shultz on the car with clay bar, cleaner, glaze and wax).
So he wandered over and sprayed his miracle jizz on one of the SE-R wheels and started scrubbing. Meanwhile, I went in my garage and got a can of brake clean. I came out, and he pointed out how clean that section of wheel was. I sprayed brake clean on another part of the wheel and wiped off the grime.
"Wow, this stuff did just as good of a job, and it's $1.99 from Wal Mart."
He was running out of options.
"It can also clean spots off your car."
"OK," I said, "how about this one?" I pointed to a spot on the fender that has been there since I bought the car. I've done everything short of just sand paper and spray paint to get that spot out, and it's still there. So he sprayed and started working at the spot and started scrubbing. I found another oil spot in my driveway and sprayed it with brake clean.
Bryan seemed curious not about the kid's miracle jizz but the can of brake clean.
"What is that stuff?" Remember, Bryan is not a car guy.
"It's brake cleaner. It cleans EVERYTHING!"
"Where do you get it?" Bryan asked.
"It's $1.99 from Wal Mart."
"But can you drink it?" he said with a straight face.
"Well, uh, no ... but you can probably get high from the fumes."
"But you can't drink it."
"No, not really."
I think the kid finally gave up and wandered off.
I had made plans to go fishing on Saturday with my friend Bryan (one of my few non-car friends). He showed up around 11 a.m. and we started loading my gear in his BMW X5 in my driveway. I noticed a kid (like, 18-20 years old) walk by on the street and linger near my mailbox. Dressed in slacks, black dress shirt and a backpack. I thought for sure he was peddling religion, which I was looking forward to considering I got the phrase "recovering Catholic" from Bryan.
Anyway, I couldn't ignore him any longer and made eye contact. "Is one of you the man of the house?" I said I was, and he went into some shpeel about how he's originally from Cleveland and he was trying to earn money for something, and he pulled out a spray bottle of this "amazing" cleaner that was only $9.99. It was safe for the environment because it wasn't harmful if swallowed -- he sprayed some on his fingers and licked them. "See, it's safe."
Blah blah blah, "So what kind of stains really trouble you most? Spots on your kitchen floor? Grime around light switches?" the kid asked.
"Oil!" I said.
"Oil?" he said with a puzzled look.
"Yeah, I have a bunch of spots in my driveway."
"OK, let me see them."
I walked in front of Bryan's BMW and sure enough, oil spots from some kind of GM product, I'm sure. The kid went to work on one of the spots. He sprayed the spot, started scrubbing it with a wire brush, sprayed some more, scrubbed some more, and yet, the spot was still there. He said something about the sun baking the oil into the pavement and it takes some work to get the spot out.
Perhaps sensing defeat, he started looking at the other vehicles in the driveway.
"Is that your car?" he said pointing at Karen's green Camaro.
"No."
"What about that one?" he said pointing at my SE-R.
"Yeah, that's mine."
"Damn, when was the last time you washed it?"
I had to think a bit and told him it had been about a month (of course not telling him that just after that I did a poor man's Karl Shultz on the car with clay bar, cleaner, glaze and wax).
So he wandered over and sprayed his miracle jizz on one of the SE-R wheels and started scrubbing. Meanwhile, I went in my garage and got a can of brake clean. I came out, and he pointed out how clean that section of wheel was. I sprayed brake clean on another part of the wheel and wiped off the grime.
"Wow, this stuff did just as good of a job, and it's $1.99 from Wal Mart."
He was running out of options.
"It can also clean spots off your car."
"OK," I said, "how about this one?" I pointed to a spot on the fender that has been there since I bought the car. I've done everything short of just sand paper and spray paint to get that spot out, and it's still there. So he sprayed and started working at the spot and started scrubbing. I found another oil spot in my driveway and sprayed it with brake clean.
Bryan seemed curious not about the kid's miracle jizz but the can of brake clean.
"What is that stuff?" Remember, Bryan is not a car guy.
"It's brake cleaner. It cleans EVERYTHING!"
"Where do you get it?" Bryan asked.
"It's $1.99 from Wal Mart."
"But can you drink it?" he said with a straight face.
"Well, uh, no ... but you can probably get high from the fumes."
"But you can't drink it."
"No, not really."
I think the kid finally gave up and wandered off.
LOL!!
ReplyDeleteNice! Yea, they're hocking the Miracle Jizz down at Langley AFB too.
ReplyDeleteHey, stop making fun of my Camaro. :p You just wish your POS Nissan could get as many miles without cracking a transmission case or something. :p
ReplyDelete